The Cheeseburger of Cheese.

It is well known that the nerdiest thing to possibily do is to read a multi part fantasy series. Well, maybe writing a multi part fantasy series while watching back to back episodes of Star Trek while listening to Rush and eating pizza on commerative X-Wing plates is more nerdy but you get the idea.

So today I went out to get George RR Martin's first book in the Song of Ice and Fire series (which I just discovered is being picked up by HBO) and they didn't have it. Instead I picked up a Terry Goodkind book, mainly because he had so many there I figured he must be decent. Then on returning home I find it is the second in a series.
Damn you Goodkind! How about writing that somewhere on the cover/back or first few pages!

This is my fault for wanting to read fantasy.

The last fantasy series I read was called 'The Book of Words'... I don't even need to make a joke about the title, it works on it's own.

Temple of Doom is temple of...awesome.

I've been muchos sick recently which is why there hasn't been any new posts, that and I couldn't think of anything to write about. In fact, I can't think of anything to write about now either but if I don't update at least bimonthly I get attacked on the street by samurai gypsies... it's an increasing problem these days.

So in the past month or so I did the incredible and finished Phantasy Star IV. It was something I always wanted to do but I was put of by how... user unfriendly it was. I figured if I didn't do it now I would never get around to it. It was grindy as all hell and I had to use a walkthrough to work out what the spells in the game actually were, not just because of the five character limit (where 'REVER' restored someone to life... I guess they meant 'revert') but just weird name choices as well. Supposedly 'GIFOI' means 'Big fireball'. Logical.

Anyway for an rpg it was surprisingly short but it felt epic and it had heart and junk. Also there was a dude called 'Raja' who wasn't indian but he was an alien who wore a turban. That's racist, Sega.

So that's what's been happening in my world, that and brain seizures or whatever the hell these things are. Also I watched Temple of Doom... still awesome.

Life lessons from Sega

Altered Beast Life Lesson:

If you consume balls, it will make you stronger. If you consume four balls in quick sucession you will become a beast!

Columns Life Lesson:

Stacking stuff on top of other stuff can be fun.... just not much.

Golden Axe:

If you hit small people loot will come out.

House of the Dead Life Lesson:

Goldman will make you suffer like G did.

Jet Set Radio:

In Japan, knowledge of the English language is not required to write a song in English... in fact, it usually makes it better... SUPER...... BROTHER...

Landstalker:

A hero named Nigel is no less of a hero, he is just more of a fag.

Phantasy Star Life Lesson:

'Replacing 'PH' with 'F" made things sound cool in the 80's.

Shinobi III Life Lesson:

Despite popular opinion hoverboards DO work on water... ninjas ride them.

Shining Force:

If you talk enough to people who look important they will eventually join you.

Yogurt is awesome and pointless.

Sonic Life Lesson:

If you jump on computers you will eventually gain invincibility.

Streets of Rage Life Lesson:

In the darkest of hours a mandroid that is half chinese, half android will come to your aid.

Note that mandroid works both in the sense of 'Man' and 'Droid' but also as a combination of 'Mandarin' and 'Droid'. That is how awesome my naming skillz does be.

Now some of you out there are probably thinking that an android is an automated intelligence while what i've described is more of a cyborg. Well, here is why he is an android:
A) Mandroid sounds cool
B) I believe that the mechanical parts of his body consist of both a cybernetic intelligence and are completely seperated from his biological functions. So yeah... seeing myself write theories like this makes me worry that the medication I take may be out of date.

Beardy Mc Noah

Oh My Stars! It's an update!

I was waiting for Kieren to post about how he finished Phantom Hourglase (Zelda) on the plane but he didn't so I guess it didn't happen.

Now on to the matter at hand. You may have known about this but I sure as hell didn't.
This was a game that was released on a cart back in 1994, look familiar?

Yes! That's right! It is a blatant Pacman rip off..
I mean Wolfenstein!

How.... how.... how did this happen??
Now, this wasn't a licensed game but it still was for sale... and ughhh... what?

Super 3d Noah's Ark is it's name if anyone is interested.

Anyway, I'm tired, I'll post more soon... promise... maybe.
Also I'm playing through Phantasy Star on the Ultimate Mega Drive collection to build up my Sega RPG cred (IV is really good) and the programming was credited to 'Sweeper'. So now in my mind the whole game was created by Scruffy........ the Janitor.
Second.

Brain damage is the future.

So my viewership is down to Daniel and the occasional passer by looking for some Altered Beast references.

Why is the viewership down? Because Kieren is in Singapore. We all know that Singapore doesn't have electricity or even the wheel.

Originally I wrote something pretty offensive (and completely insane) here stating that the reason Singapore didn't have electricity was because the populace were actually aliens, but like, those second class citizen aliens that in Star Trek episodes are like a sub species of the main race and are taught by the Trek crew that they are actually every bit as worthwhile as their leading race... or something.

Anyway it was an excuse to post a picture of this cat:

If they ran him up a flagpole I know I'd salute.

This post has become somewhat derailed.

Anyway the point is Kieren is in transit to Singapore which, contrary to popular belief, has the wheel and maybe electricity to even but while he's on the plane he won't have access to this site... because it's one of those human powered flying bicycle fandangos:

The guy in that photo has a mad hat.

What the hell did I eat earlier today?

I was originally going to talk about Phantasy Star IV or something but I should probably just end this post before I breach the space time continuum with my awesomeness.

My best friend sucks his best friend's nuts.

Hey, it be one of them thingys... umm... what was it called? An... update! Yeah that's it, I remember those.

I've been easing up on the updates as Kieren has been on the road in the middle of Australia and Daniel has been here. Also the last post pretty much turned into a forum so I was happy to let it just go but that seems to have died out now so I guess I should update... and here the update be.


Anyway, so it turns out Shining Force IV actually exists... well, not really. I've been playing a PSP game called Jeanne D'arc (which i've been playing for years but whatever) that IS Shining Force IV. Turns out it has some of the same team maybe.

It has the charm (moreso maybe), the story, the awesome and a whole lot more.

As you can see from the picture it is pretty historically accurate too:

I've talked about this game (may have even made the same joke) before so I'll shut up now but next time you come down Dan, I'll lend you the PSP so you can experience the forceness.

ummm, and we are being ruled by a dame, what's up with that?

Lost my phone and e3 is awesome.

My phone is at the girlfriend's place so don't try to call me.

Anyway, after E3 day one I was pretty underwhelmed. I wasn't home last night and after the first day of E3 I wasn't eager to check up on the news (by the way Microsoft pulled a Sega and said 'new (version) of the console is coming out... today!) but then I did and whoooooo boy!

New Zelda
New Kid Icarus
New Paper Mario
3DS is awesome (analog!!!) and will feature remake of Metal Gear Solid 3 (which means it is damn powerful)
No Vitality Sensor (that can only be good news)
New Donkey Kong done by the Metroid Prime dudes.


Holy shit is all I can say.

Konami are also having a press conference later which was my main draw to the show and Capcom have yet to announce anything.
Should be awesome.